Friday, March 7

Seoul, We Have a Problem

So Steve, being half Korean, has a Korean mother. If you are familiar with Margaret Cho's impression of her mother you have an insight to about a tenth of the total crazy.

I remember the first time I met her, about 10 years ago, I was so nervous and frankly stressed over my first impressions with her and the way I was dressed. I worked for Eddie Bauer then and I think that i was wearing a yellow check gingham shirt a t-shirt and jeans. I don't know that she even remembers that meeting, but I do. It went fine by the way. It took her about 5 years, after Steve and I lived in China together, and spent every moment possible together when we got back when we were both unemployed while we lived at our respective parents houses, for her to realize that Steve and I were a couple.

I remember the phone call we got at our rented condo in Eastlake. Just Steve saying, "Yes, mom. I know. Mmmhmmm. But... I...You....Fine...But...Yeah...But..." and on and on in that strain for about 45 minutes. She didn't talk to us for about 6 months, about the time it took her to get pissed off at Steve's brother. Who is married and now has two kids, at that time it was just one. Generally if she is talking to us, she is not talking to the brother and vice versa.

Over the years we have learned to get along and all seems to be going well. I have been adopted into the family, and times it seems like she likes me more than Steve.

Until she gets drunk.

After she drinks, (who knows when she starts, but it reaches critical drunkenness at about 10:30pm during the work week) she feels the need to drunk dial Steve's phone. She can't fathom why he doesn't pick up. For God's sake, its a cell phone. You should get a land line! Then you will pick up! What if it was an emergency?!

The thing is, we let that phone ring and then check the message that she leaves, make sure its not important, and then turn the ringer off and go back to bed. Invariably the messages go something like this:

"Steven! Why do you not pick up the phone! I can't believe that I call you and you do not pick up! you should pick up when I call you. You are a terrible son. Terrible son! What did I do to have such horrible sons! I am a terrible mother. What did I do wrong?! Why are you and your brother so disrespectful! You should answer the phone when I call. You should get a land line so when I call, you will answer. You are terrible! Horrible! I am a bad mother. What did I do? I don't approve of your lifestyle. (what the hell?!) You think I like Andy, but I only tolerate him because of you. Horrible son! You should pick up the phone when I call."

At that point the time runs out on the message and she calls back and leaves the same message, almost verbatim. What, does she have a script that she follows when she is drunk so she can hit all of her points she needs to make?

So Steve will listen to these messages (usually a few days later) and will be pissy for a day or two. Its totally not his fault and I understand why he would feel bad after that.

He has told her many times to stop calling after 10pm. Has told her not to call when she has been drinking. Has told her to bugger off (not in those exact words [she wouldn't understand that]). So now we are at the point of cutting her out. Of our lives. Period. Not like that will do any good. She will be back. Calling us in the middle of the night in about 2-3 months. Leaving the same message. Over and over. And Over. Again.

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